I have recently begun teaching some more poses. These are postures that I used to be able to do and then had an issue with my back and my thought patterns and had to stop doing them. It’s always hard to teach a posture you can’t do because you cannot demonstrate it.
When my back was hurting I couldn’t do hip flexion and deep forward bends. Postures like Lizard Lunge and Bakasana were out of the question. They are still challenging for me, but I am getting better at doing them.
I wanted to share this because it can sometimes be hard to keep going if you are hurting. When my back pain was at its peak, I questioned everything. Should I be doing what I am doing at my age? Am I too old for yoga, particularly hand balances? Should I keep doing yoga? Was yoga hurting me? How can I teach yoga if I am in pain?
But, ever since I saw Dr. Sarno, I became convinced of the emotional causes of back pain. It is sometimes hard to remember that when everyone else thinks the causes of back pain are physical. (Particularly my orthopedic doctor who told me that I had the spine of an 80 year old and that I needed to have surgery.) If you are not familiar with the idea that back, hip, shoulder, elbow, knee, ankle, wrist, etc. are physical, see my blog post here. But, I don’t need surgery and my spine is fine!
It wasn’t yoga that was hurting my back, my back hurt whether I did yoga or not. It was my mental thought patterns, my fears and insecurities. I kept practicing and things kept improving slowly but surely.
My recent episode of back pain (which lasted for about 3 years) had to do with a few emotional issues: my mother’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, her eventual passing, the fact that I was her primary caregiver, and then my thoughts and fears about aging. The Covid pandemic also fueled my pain syndrome as I faced losing my teaching positions, having to pivot to teach online and wondering what the future holds for an aging yoga teacher.
Roz Chast’s cartoon in the New Yorker sums up the fear of aging thing perfectly:
I was reading Steven Ozanich’s book about chronic pain syndromes: The Great Pain Deception: Faulty Medical Advice Is Making Us Worse. In it he mentions the emotional triggers for physical pain. One that is relevant to this post is this quote from Satchel Paige: “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”
Pain is, as Dr. Sarno describes it, “a cradle to grave” phenomenon: however, TMS exists primarily during the years that we bear the heaviest responsibilities: the years in which we are working, raising families and taking care of our parents. When pain strikes beyond these responsibility years, it’s almost entirely due to the anger of aging.
While I can’t stop myself from aging, I can refrain from the common mistake of worrying about the future and instead simply live in the present moment. I can stop worrying about how old I am and I can keep showing up, keep trying and doing what I am doing.
One of the things I do whenever pain flares up is to look for the emotional cause of the pain, not the physical (unless there is a fracture, infection or tumor). Thinking that there is a physical cause is one sure way to stay stuck in this pain syndrome. The other thing I do is to say to myself, “everything I do from now on will help me to heal faster and faster.” This comes from Fred Amir’s book: Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain: A Proven Nine-Step Recovery Plan.
This past weekend I was back with my bicycle team training for the 100 mile City to Shore MS Bike Ride that will take place on September 25 & 26, 2021. (This is a fundraising event, if you’d care to donate, click here.) Bike riding was one of the things that was really hard for me in this past episode of back pain. But I rode 35 miles on Saturday from Doylestown to the river through Stockton and up to Milford NJ without any problems.
In my classes, look for more postures like the ones pictured below:
